Since I have nothing better to write, I'll give you a brief timeline of our relationship.

November 2004
She shows up at a small get together I was at (we have mutual friends). I think she is the bees knees. She assumes I am straight and doesn't bother remembering me.

January 2005
She shows up in my Language, Gender & The Queer Identity class. I am excited. This time, she realizes that I am likely queer -- and her suspicions are confirmed when I say something about it in class. I stare at her a lot in class.

March 2005
I tell a mutual friend that I have kind of a thing for (soon-to-be)girlfriend. Mutual friend tells me that I am just her type. Wooh!

April 2005
At one particularly drunk party, I got her phone number. We text for a week. Then at another party, we kiss. We continue to make out and hang out for a week. Then I tell her that I would really like to date her and only her. She says that since I am about to move 1100 miles away to NYC, that's probably not a good idea. So we just continue to make out and hang out for another week.

May 1, 2005
In the wee hours, I talk her into being my steady date.

June 2005
I move to New York City

July 2005
She visits for a week.

October 2005
I visit her for a long weekend.

January 2006
She visits, theoretically for a week, but only stays for 1.5 days. She breaks up with me out of nowhere (because she thinks I've lost interest in her or something, and that I'm treating her too platonically) and goes back to college town.

February 2006
I go to college town to visit some friends, and I wind up making out with her once.

March 2006
We get back together on St. Patrick's day after I have a few disastrous dates.

April 2006
I go visit her for a week.

May 2006
I go visit for a weekend.

July 2006
She visits for a weekend.

And that is our whole relationship. In the nearly 15 months that we have been together, we've only really been TOGETHER for about 9 or 10 weeks. It's kind of ridiculous. I'm going out there in about a week to visit for a while.

Honestly, though, I'm not sure how much more of this relationship I can take. She is very, very needy and tends to get moody when I don't give her all the attention she wants.

Also, she is my very first girlfriend. I kind of feel like maybe I should see what else is out there. No. I want to see what else is out there.

Then, though, I think of being without her and it breaks my heart. And I think of her with someone else and it makes me sick. I love her very much but I'm just not ready to commit to a big adult relationship yet.

Being 23 is a chore.