Here are some cold, hard truths:

1. I would kind of like to be on What Not To Wear. My students keep threatening to nominate me, and I never really say anything to discourage them. I would love $5000 to spend on clothing, and I would really love to learn "how to dress."

2. I am really attracted to one of my friends. She and I started hanging out when girlfriend and I broke up. I guess we both were interested, but neither of us ever did anything because we are pussies. Neither of us said anything until we were both in sticky situations (she with some girl who is no more; and me getting back together with girlfriend). Now we're friends. I'm fairly certain that the sexual tension will build up until one night when we are drunk and/or stoned, it all gets let out. Whoa.

3. I have slept with fourteen boys.

4. I have slept with two women.

5. I find it hard to define sex between women. Here's what I'm going with: if you are not a couple, it is only sex if oral sex is involved; if you ARE a couple, it is sex once manual stimulation occurs. I'm not sure why I cling to these ridiculous standards.

6. I get (myself) off around four or five times a day.

7. I would like to be hypnotized to do crazy things, like imagine I'm in a bodybuilding contest.

8. [deleted so creepy googlers wouldn't keep finding me].

9. But I seriously love going down on girls.

10. My girlfriend will not let me go down on her because it makes her feel "too feminine." But she lets me fuck her with a strap-on. Does that make any sense to you?

11. I have not felt like I had to fake orgasm since I started having sex with women.

12. I really need to get laid. I'm sure that you can tell.

13. After my sophomore year in college, I never went more than about 3 weeks without sex. My longest run was this October-to-April. Ouch. At present, it has been 3 weeks. It will be about 5-6 days more.

14. I have had three major traumatic experiences. Two before the age of ten. One after I turned 20.

15. I feel threatened by my girlfriend's best friend.

16. I know, for a fact, that this is not without cause.

17. I still have secrets that I cannot even admit to myself. They hover, just under my skin -- skimming the underside of the surface.

18. Sometimes I wish I weren't gay.

19. I'm not sure that I believe in the notion of "forever," even though I want to...very much.

20. I have two addictions. Real addictions.

21. The movie "About Schmidt" makes me cry uncontrollably. I usually have to stop the movie somewhere halfway through because I can't take it.

22. I sponsor a kid from Ecuador.

23. I obsessively read Missed Connections on craigslist, hoping that one day, someone will notice me. Not because I'm looking to meet someone -- but just because it would be nice to be noticed...it would be nice to have some stranger think that I might be someone special, and be captivated enough to post a missed connections ad to try to find me.

I think it might be time for me to pee, jerk off and fall asleep to a movie. In that order.

I'll try to write something to cover this horrendous entry tomorrow. hee hee hee.