What's weird is that on the first day of this schoolyear (a mere 9 weeks ago), my 70 students were just names on my attendance sheets.

What's weird is that although I was beginning to recognize their faces and in many cases could match the faces with the names on my attendance sheets -- they were still just names and faces. They weren't people.

What's weird is that somewhere in those nine weeks, they have become my kids.

When they can't fucking shut their traps for two minutes, I could just choke some of them. When they turn in seriously subpar work I want to shake them and say "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!?!" But darnitall -- they're my kids now!

I have real, honest affection for them. I care about them as people. And they are real people. They're just as melodramatic and myopic as I was at fourteen and dagnabbit, I freaking adore them for it!

I mentioned this recently and I'll say it again -- it is such a privilege to be able to count something that makes me so deliriously happy at times as my work. Right now, I have seventy young teenagers who are just starting to show signs of who they are going to be when they are grown-up people.

For someone like me, who can be so guarded with her emotions -- who will readily dismiss someone for reasons "as redundant as...a linguistic misstep" -- this is all tremendous. The selfless giving of affection and honest-to-God caring for these kids is...odd. It's almost fiercely maternal. They ask me if I'm going to have kids soon and I say "You're the only kids I need right now."

I mean, in a thousand online surveys when asked which of my friends I'd take a bullet for I've always thought, "Man, I'm not sure that I would take a bullet for any of my friends" (incidentally, I wouldn't expect or want any of them to take a bullet for me, either. life is too precious).

But, know what? A student asked me, "Miss, would you take a bullet for us?"

And I answered, without even thinking.

"Yeah, I would."

And then I realized...yeah. I really would.

On a side note -- things are still going wonderfully well with the girly. Still completely smitten, still floating on cloud nine.

This is a good good fall.